12 Days of Gristmas

The 12 Trolls of Christmas - Kylee Henke

[1ST DAY]
TEREZI: On the 1st day of 12th Perigee my matesprit gave to me/
A scalemate hanging from the tree.
[CACKLES]

[2ND DAY]
SOLLUX: On the 2nd day of 12th Perigee my matesprit gave to me/
Two sets of stairs/
TEREZI: And a scalemate hanging from the tree.
[CACKLES]

[3RD DAY]
NEPETA: On the 3rd day of 12th Perigee my matesprit gave to me/
Three sharp claws/
SOLLUX: Two sets of stairs/
TEREZI: And a scalemate hanging from the tree.

[4TH DAY]
FEFERI: On the 4th day of 12th Perigee my matesprit gave to me/
Four cuttlefish/
NEPETA: Three sharp claws/
SOLLUX: Two sets of stairs/
TEREZI: And a scalemate hanging from the tree.

TEREZI [SPOKEN]: Sing it, Karkat!

[5TH DAY]
KARKAT: On the 5th day of 12th Perigee my matesprit gave to me/
FIVE FUCKASSES.
TEREZI [ASIDE]: That was beautiful.
FEFERI: Four cuttlefish/
NEPETA: Three sharp claws/
SOLLUX: Two sets of stairs/
TEREZI: And a scalemate hanging from the tree.
[CACKLES]

[6TH DAY]
KANAYA: On the 6th day of 12th Perigee my matesprit gave to me/
Six revving chainsaws/
KARKAT: FIVE FUCKASSES.
FEFERI: Four cuttlefish/
NEPETA: Meow meow meow/
SOLLUX: Two sets of stairs/
TEREZI: And a scalemate hanging from the tree.

TEREZI [SPOKEN]: Go Tav!

[7TH DAY]
TAVROS: On the 7th day of 12th Perigee my matesprit gave to me/
Uh, seven paraplegics/
KANAYA: Six revving chainsaws/
KARKAT: FIVE FUCKASSES.
FEFERI: Four cuttlefish/
NEPETA: Three sharp claws/
SOLLUX: Two sets of stairs/
TEREZI: And a scalemate hanging from the tree.

[8TH DAY]
VRISKA: On the 8th day of 12th Perigee my matesprit gave to me/
Eight spiders spinning!/
TAVROS: Seven paraplegics/
KANAYA: Six revving chainsaws/
KARKAT: FIVE FUCKASSES.
FEFERI: Glub glub glub glub glub/
NEPETA: Three sharp claws/
SOLLUX: Two sets of stairs/
TEREZI: And a scalemate hanging from the tree.

[9TH DAY]
GAMZEE: On the 9th day of 12th Perigee my matesprit gave to me/
Nine cans of Faygo/
VRISKA: Eight spinning spiders/
TAVROS: Seven paraplegics/
KANAYA: Six revving chainsaws/
KARKAT: FIVE FUCKASSES.
FEFERI: Four cuttlefish/
NEPETA: Three sharp claws/
SOLLUX: Two sets of stairs/
TEREZI: And a scalemate hanging from the tree.
[CACKLES]

[10TH DAY]
ERIDAN: On the 10th day of 12th Perigee my matesprit gave to me/
Ten empty buckets/
GAMZEE: Nine cans of Faygo/
VRISKA: Eight spiders spinning/
TAVROS: Seven paraplegics/
KANAYA: Six revving chainsaws/
KARKAT: CAN WE STOP YET.
TEREZI [ASIDE]: Nope! [CACKLES]
FEFERI: Four cuttlefish/
NEPETA: Three sharp claws/
SOLLUX: Two sets of stairs/
TEREZI: And a scalemate hanging from the tree.

[11TH DAY]
ARADIABOT: On the 11th day of 12th Perigee my matesprit gave to me/
[BEEP]
Eleven frogs a-leaping/
ERIDAN: Ten empty... [SNIFFS] [STARTS CRYING]/
GAMZEE: Nine cans of Faygo/
VRISKA: Eight spiders spinning/
TAVROS: Seven paraplegics/
KANAYA: Six revving chainsaws/
KARKAT: TEREZI YOU SUCK.
FEFERI: Four cuttlefish/
NEPETA: Three sharp claws/
SOLLUX: Two sets of stairs/
TEREZI: And a scalemate hanging from the tree.

TEREZI [SPOKEN]: One more time!

[11TH DAY]
EQUIUS: On the 12th day of 12th Perigee my matesprit gave to me/
Twelve rippling hoofbeasts/
ARADIABOT: Eleven frogs a-leaping/
ERIDAN: [FURTHER CRYING]
GAMZEE [SPOKEN]: Hey man, are you OK?
VRISKA [SPOKEN]: Eridan. Oh. My. God.
TAVROS [SPOKEN]: Uh, what's going on?
KANAYA [SPOKEN]: I've got this.
[CHAINSAW SOUNDS AND ERIDAN SCREAMING]
KARKAT: SHUT THE FUCK UP.
FEFERI [SPOKEN]: Oh! Oh my glub!
NEPETA [SPOKEN]: Thank you, Kanaya!
SOLLUX [SPOKEN]: Serves the asshole right.
ALL: And a scalemate hanging from the tree!

KARKAT [SPOKEN]: FUCK YOU GUYS!